Can't take it in

Sometimes you just feel like unable to take things in anymore. There has been so much, too much, going on for the past few days alone. During these kind of days, you earnestly hoped that this was all a dream. A bad one, and unbelievably realistic kind.
Here is what happened: last Monday, after going back from the gym and school, and after driving to another town, on the way back, being a clumsy driver as I am, I feel asleep. To conclude it, I had an accident. The car went off the curb, knocked over a tree and a utility box, and nearly brought down a lamp post. Besides being a traumatizing event, it totaled the car.
Without getting into too much details: it was a costly incident. On the bright side, the insurance "promises" to cover for the property damage (even now I dare not to think how much it would cost to replace/ fix a utility box), on the down side, it does not cover the collision. How ironic.

Here is what I am getting at: uncertainty. Of all human feelings, I despise uncertainty the most. For me, it is a twin of insecurity. Being uncertain, I would almost always feel insecure.
I am by nature a pessimist (although many acquaintances of mine saw me as the most optimistic person they ever knew. It is in a sense, true, and my optimism was not a mere facade. Yet there was another side of me that would constantly be flowing with worries and cynicism). Due to past experiences and whatever else, I do not easily trust people. In this case, I was being frequently haunted by the thought that the box would not be covered by the insurance, my mind immediately jumped forward to the future about not being able to pay for the insurance after the accident (it will, undoubtedly, increase after this term), etc. Those thoughts haunt me in sleep.
I cannot almost take it in anymore. There is simply too much concern of the future. I want to freeze the time. Why can't life give me a break even just for a couple days?
Of course, rambling will never solve the problem. I must face it. It is no use to cower away. It is very uncomfortable, and so easy to deviate and getting distracted from solving the problem. I guess this is part of human nature: procrastination. I am so not looking forward to have my problem fixed straightly. There is always things popping up that would distract me from doing what a man oughtta do.
Perhaps I sounded like whining. Maybe it is true. Of course this is not all. There are other small things happening at almost the same time. It is as if catastrophes are lining up in front of my door and knocking in one by one. Those things I will not mention here... just yet.
But, yeah. I can not, and should not stop here. Life goes on. I am not the most miserable person on this planet. There are others who are having it way, way worse, and would trade for anything to swap with me. I am, in a sense, suffocating myself with worries that are not necessarily going to really happen. It is always the worse scenario that I am afraid of. I expect the worse to come, so when it actually happens, I would be ready, or so I thought.
Even I do not believe it is a healthy habit.
C.S. Lewis, when commenting on the Lord's Prayer, mentioned that Jesus asked for "our daily bread" only. Meaning to not worry about tomorrow's bread, for each day has its own share of Grace and Divine Providence. Live as if you will die today, said James Dean. What I am to make of them? If there is a moral message to be drawn, is that I live for today and this day only. The past I am not there anymore; whilst I never, and will never, live in the future. I exist presently. I exist now. I only exist today. My tomorrow is my tomorrow's today.
By worrying about tomorrow, I am also being doubtful to God's providence. Everything that I ever had has been given by God, many of them without me asking. God is always there. In some occasion things did not turn out the way I expect, while some it did. Either way, one thing I can be confident about, is that it is for the best. My feelings may complain otherwise, that God is being unjust and playing tricks with my life; think again, who, really, knows better: a man of finite knowledge, or the omniscient Being with infinite knowledge? I may look for 10 days ahead and still find nothing good, but God, who sees the past, present, future may already know that things happen for the best. I might be put in the most uncomfortable spot, but it is for my best. I do not know what the heck, or why, but I am well-assured that it will, perhaps in the long run, be an edifying experience. Maybe He wanted me to rely more to Him (a thing I have NOT done ever since the calamity happened), or something else. I do not know. I need to stop listening to the roaring of my feelings and instead continue to be a faithful, hopeful servant.
Yes, I still cannot see why God let this to happen, and I am still kinda angry to nobody and wanted to sock somebody off, but I won't. I will just do the reasonable things to do and get on with life. I have faith in Him.

Hey!

Hey, I'm still alive!
=O